The Imperfection of Perfectionism

BLOGGER'S NOTE:  Several weeks ago a high school friend, who I reconnected with last summer at a Paul McCartney concert, forwarded me an interesting opportunity. The Huffington Post, with whom she's celebrated recent publishing success, was asking bloggers to share their stories of how letting go of perfectionism ultimately enabled their personal or professional grow. Knowing of Resume RANTS, she thought I'd jump at the chance to share in 650-850 words my thoughts and advice on perfectionism in the professional world.  She was right. 

According to Stanford family lore, one morning on the way to school, kindergarten or first grade I'm told, my ever-doting dad stopped to pick up donuts for breakfast. When he handed me what I'd proclaimed on multiple prior occasions to be "the best food on the planet," I started to cry. Confused by my reaction, he asked what was wrong.  I looked up with big brown eyes, or so the story goes, and distraughtly declared, "The hole isn't big enough!" And so began my relationship with perfectionism.

Thirty-plus years and countless imperfect donuts later, this relationship remains a work-in-progress. Where I now find it most often rearing its unforgiving head is in my career. Like so many professionals, I regularly find myself struggling to resist the temptation to procrastinate, work more and self-criticize - all perfectionism prerequisites. Truth be told, my long-standing propensity toward "perfect" is the ironic and disappointing reason I didn't share my story with The Huffington Post.  It is, however, the reason I've written this.

GO BIG OR GO HOME
Just as our society has elevated the importance of busy to an epic level, we've put perfectionism on a pedestal. Our collective preoccupation with "perfect" has us subscribing to an all-or-nothing mentality that's quickly leading us down a narrow and unproductive path both personally and professionally. When it comes to our professional lives specifically, this go-big-or-go-home cultural mind-set not only is causing significant amounts of anxiety and stress, it's paradoxically preventing us from achieving success and in extreme cases, ruining careers. Regardless of its consequences, however, we continue to wear perfectionism as an expensive accessory proudly adorning our 9-5 attire.

As someone who works with job-seekers, I can attest to perfectionism's perceived importance in the search process. It's generally used as a catchall affirming work styles and philosophies, as well as career approaches. Seldom is perfectionism negatively associated with an inability to succeed or achieve. Much to the contrary, it's expressed as a back-handed compliment or humble yet direct nod to an infallible work ethic.

"Yes, I single hole punched, collated, color coded and versioned by employee over 1,000 presentation handouts for the last all-company meeting, and it only took me every evening after work for a little over a week! What can I say, I'm a perfectionist!"

When looking for new jobs or careers, professionals often are reminded to put their best foot forward. I certainly agree with this timeless advice, but it's important to know these words of wisdom aren't a proclamation encouraging perfection. Hiring managers, at least the good ones, understand that no one is perfect and, ultimately, perfection is not what they're looking for. They don't need to hear, "My biggest weakness?  I'm a total perfectionist!" Hiring managers do want to better understand where in job seekers' careers they've encountered challenges, how they were resolved and what positive results were achieved. This allows them to get a detailed understanding of professionals' abilities to problem-solve and thrive in real workplace situations that are relevant to the role they're hiring for.

PERFECTIONISM DEFINED AND INTERPRETED
Speaking of real, a more genuine definition of perfectionism comes from Wikipedia not Webster. "A personality trait characterized by one's desire to strive for flawlessness and set excessively high performance standards; accompanied by over critical self-evaluations and concern regarding others' evaluation." Though we generally associate striving for such flawlessness and excessively high performance standards with professional athletes, award-winning actors or Nobel prize-winners, it's important to understand that perfectionism isn't a personality trait synonymous with the highly successful nor a prerequisite for propulsion into professional greatness.

Contrary to popular belief, we don't need to be perfect to be a perfectionist. Case in point: Me. Those who see me walking to work on mornings when the humidity already has reached its high (full on summer hair, I don't care), certainly aren't telling themselves, "There goes a winner, a real perfectionist I tell ya!" Why? Because only in 1950s musicals do people talk like this but more importantly, I don't leave my house on such hot days obsessed with how others will perceive me. Though I certainly may not like my massively untamable lion's mane, I throw it up in a bun and matter-of-factly remind myself, "It is what it is." Now when I get to work, that's a different story. Often when my derriere hits the chair, self-criticism and not my coffee jumpstarts my day.

It also conflicts with society's current messaging that perfectionism isn't synonymous with excellence. There actually is a significant difference between the two, and as one writer so excellently (not perfectly) says, perfectionism is about doing things right while excellence is about doing the right thing.  Based on this simple yet impactful delineation, below are several comparisons illustrating the difference between perfectionism and excellence. (Yes, the Tom Selleck/Conservation reference is random.)

PERFECTIONISM VS. EXCELLENCE

PERFECTIONISM	EXCELLENCE
Deflation	Inspiration
Ineffectiveness	Efficiency
Bully	Mentor
Vampire	The Red Cross
Tom Selleck	Conservationists

A COWORKER JUST MIGHT BE A PERFECTIONIST
It's embarrassing and somewhat telling just how many current and former coworkers eagerly asked if they could attest to my perfectionistic tendencies when I shared the topic of this post. Even my manager, one of my biggest professional cheerleaders, said in a sorry/not sorry tone, "Let me know if you need any direct quotes." So what behaviors are exposing perfectionists to their workplace peers?  A coworker just might be a perfectionist if they:

• Know-It-All - Let me rip the Band-Aid right off. Perfectionists can be know-it-alls and know-it-alls are annoying. Perfectionist desperately are afraid to be wrong, so much so that they sacrifice professional learning and growth to always have the right answers.

• Procrastinate - Ever work on a project with a colleague who constantly needed to add "just one last thing" before it was complete?  Perfectionists often have a hard time finishing work, as they've set personal standards so high that regardless of how hard they try, they never meet them.

• Work More Than Necessary - First one in, last one out. Because perfectionists set such impossibly high standards, they work more and unnecessary hours doing and redoing their work.

• Self-Criticize - "I've been working on this report for weeks and still don't like how it's laid out. I'm just so bad at this!" Perfectionists may not say this out loud, but they constantly are attacking their own abilities and over exaggerating their faults, generally as a destructive way to self-motivate.

THE IMPERFECTION OF PERFECTIONISM
On the surface, perfectionism seems like an appealing personal attribute, and one to which we all should aspire. Who doesn't want to be a better version of themselves? Perfectionism, however, doesn't make us better. It, adversely, allows us to set unachievable goals that ultimately, as I mention above, lead to stress, and anxiety.  In more serious cases, those constantly seeking the unobtainable "perfect" experience depression, compulsive behavior and sometime even attempt or commit suicide.

For me, the worst part of perfectionism is the way it severely inhibits my creative abilities and process. When I allow perfectionism to dominate my mind-set, it takes weeks to finish what might seem like a simple post. I write and rewrite sentences and paragraphs as if my aspiration is to win a nonexistent prize; perhaps the first-ever Pulitzer prize in blogging.  Yeah, not going to happen.

So how can we avoid the pitfalls of perfectionism?  By remembering the simple yet effective advice below:

• Don't Obsess Over Mistakes - We're humans and humans make mistakes even at work. What most professionals don't realize is that our workplace errors, faults and gaffes are what ultimately help us grow and succeed.

• Stop Micromanaging (Ourselves) - We need to accept that we can't do it all. We must empower others to help take responsibilities and tasks off our professional plate and squash the guilt associated with our workplace superhero complexes.

• Shout Back - When our inter-critic starts to yell, "You're not doing it right!" or "You're not doing it fast enough!" we simply must shout back, "SHUT UP!!!!!" This will allow for a much needed break in our negative train of though and, hopefully, get us back on the right mental track.

• Laugh - The only way we'll make it through life, and this next work week, is by not taking ourselves too seriously. There's no better way to do this while significantly raising our dopamine levels then by laughing. Laugh at yourself, laugh with your coworkers, laugh at your coworkers, laugh with your boss, laugh at your...  Well maybe not.

• Take a Break - When we need to recalibrate our bodies and minds, having a quick convo with our cube-mate, grabbing lunch in the cafeteria, or going outside for some fresh air can give us an entirely new perspective on what might seem like an insurmountable work challenge.

• Accept Good Enough - When our t's are crossed and i's dotted, its time to call it a day. We should always keep the 80/20 rule in mind - 80 percent of our outcomes come from 20 percent of our inputs. Trying for 100 percent generally isn't a good use of our time or resources.

PERFECTIONISTS OF THE WORLD...
Though I still have my moments, my relationship with perfectionism has come a long way. Writing and publishing this blog is a testament to how I'm fighting that battle one word, sentence and paragraph at a time. Since I need a constant reminder, on my desk is a worn and faded Post-It Note with the following quote from Brene Brown, famed author, speaker and my favorite shame researcher (because what perfectionist doesn't need a favorite shame researcher), "Vulnerability is the birthplace of creativity, innovation and change.  It's also the birthplace of joy, faith and connection. To create is to make something that has never existed before.  There's nothing more vulnerable then that."

And... in the same vain as my favorite introvert-themed meme, "Introverts of the world UNITE! SEPARATELY, in your own homes," I wrap up another imperfect, but perhaps excellent post with this: "Perfectionists of the world UNITE! And STOP trying to be so DAMN perfect!